The Leadership Phrase That Undermines Trust More Than You Realise
We all know how important trust is for a leader’s relationship with their team. However, there’s a phrase we often use that can create doubt instead of the confidence we’re trying to build. If you're wanting to build credibility, maybe you should rethink using some language out of habit that might seem harmless but could be weakening how other’s see your integrity.
Why does saying "to be honest with you" reduce trust?
When people hear "to be honest with you", they may subconsciously wonder whether everything said beforehand was also honest. When people hear that phrase, they stop focusing on the message of what you’re saying and start to unconsciously question your integrity.
Most leaders use the phrase with good intentions. They want to be sincere or demonstrate transparency. However, that language might be saying more than we intended.
When a leader says, "To be honest with you", listeners might ask themselves:
Was the earlier information not honest?
Why is honesty being spoken about now?
Is there something I should be worried about?
Instead of strengthening trust, the phrase can create unconscious doubt.
What other phrases create the same problem?
There are other commonly used expressions that can trigger a similar reaction because they suggest honesty is only starting at this point in the conversation.
Other examples might be:
In all honesty
To tell you the truth
Truthfully speaking
We sometimes say these things out of habit, rather than deliberately selecting our words. What this does is interrupt the flow of communication and makes the listeners unconscious mind question authenticity.
Why is integrity so important in leadership?
People choose to follow leaders they trust.
“People will not believe the message if they don’t believe in the messenger.”
— Barry Posner, Why credibility is the foundation of leadership, TED x University of Nevada
Kouzes and Posner's leadership research found that honesty is selected more often than any other leadership characteristic. Their explanation is particularly relevant to trust: before people willingly follow someone, they want assurance that the person has integrity and is worthy of their trust. https://tanveernaseer.com/credibility-foundation-leadership-vertigo-jim-kouzes-barry-posner/
Credibility influences whether people will accept or seek advice, take on the feedback or remain engaged during challenging times. Leadership expert, Terina Allen says that leadership integrity is at the core of trust. If leaders don’t have trust, they have to work much harder to encourage people to believe in a vision and work through difficult situations. You can’t just demand or expect integrity. Your team will experience it through your actions, decisions and most importantly, the way you communicate.
How can leaders communicate with more confidence?
The most effective way to communicate with confidence is to simply say what you need to say clearly and directly. Leaders who communicate confidently trust the strength of what they have to say. There is no need to start a statement with language that attempts to prove your honesty.
Instead, leaders should focus on strong communication that includes:
Clear language
Direct messaging
Consistent behaviour
Genuine interaction
Accountability when things go wrong
People are going to trust leaders who walk the talk; whose words and actions consistently align.
How do you build genuine connection with your team?
Just declaring your honesty is not going to work. Genuinely connecting with the person you are speaking will create trust.
Whether you’respeaking with one person or a large group, leaders will build credibility when they demonstrate empathy and curiosity.
These are some simple ways to create connection:
Share relevant experiences
Ask thoughtful questions
Seek clarification
Acknowledge any uncertainty
Demonstrate you are learning too
Show vulnerability
People will connect with authenticity. They respond better when leaders show they are human. When they demonstrate they are approachable and want to work through the challenges together.
What should leaders do when they make a mistake?
I recently saw a leader declare publicly about his team “We stuffed up, the team and I should have done better.” However, the audience, clearly knew, the responsibility sat with the leader alone. They immediately lost integrity. Taking ownership is one of the strongest demonstrations of leadership integrity. As a leader, you don’t want to distance yourself from a problem by saying things like "mistakes were made".
When something goes wrong:
Explain what happened
Acknowledge the impact
Accept responsibility (if appropriate)
Share what is being done to resolve the issue
Communicate next steps and be transparent
People are likely to forgive mistakes when communicated with honesty and accountability.
How can authenticity strengthen leadership credibility?
If you’re being authentic you don’t need to prove you’re being honest. When leaders consistently demonstrate integrity, have meaningful connections and take responsibility for their actions, trust will just naturally grow. People know when communication is disingenuous and inconsistent. They’ll also respect someone being accountable.
FAQ
Is "to be honest with you" always a bad phrase?
Not necessarily, but it often works against the speaker's intention. People use it to send a message of sincerity ; however, it can unintentionally create doubt about what was said before.
What should I say instead of "to be honest with you"?
In most situations, say nothing instead. State your point clearly and confidently without having to justify your honesty.
Why do leaders use phrases like this?
Many people use these expressions out of habit or as a way to emphasise importance. Unfortunately, the phrases can distract listeners from the message.
How does accountability build trust?
When you’re accountable, it demonstrates integrity. When leaders acknowledge mistakes, explain their actions and are open in their communications, people are more likely to trust them.
What is leadership integrity?
Leadership integrity is when values, actions and communication are aligned. It’s the foundation of credibility. It influences whether people trust and follow a leader.
Source: This Is The Phrase That Instantly Damages Your Leadership Integrity, Terina Allen, Forbes
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